Once Upon A Time….
We all get the chance to be young, stupid and in mad lust with someone, but do we ever truly say what is within our hearts when Love grabs us by our guts and has us puking stupid epithets of overwrought phrases? If I had the chance to be 16 again and knew then what I know now, a.) I’d be a very dangerous young lady with killer curves, b.) there’s a certain young man that would NEVER have doubted what I felt for him and c.) Alcohol would have been tossed over in favor as SEX as an addiction, and that cigarette thing would have been passe’….
With all that said, here is the letter I would give a then-certain young man whom I loved and lost:
You never knew how much I cared for you, your beautiful blue eyes stole my heart every time you looked at me. The first time we kissed I thought my heart would explode; yes baby – you were just that good. I was a gawd-awful tease, and there is no doubt that I sent you home multiple times with great difficulty in the attempt to walk. I often wondered if I meant as much to you as you indicated; and I knew that the religious differences were of great concern to you. Both of us wished to honor our families with the upbringing that was instilled in us, but there were times that I seriously envied Romeo and Juliet for the simplicity of their family feud – ours had 2000 years of animosity between the edges.
Truth be told, we both knew of others that had managed to bridge the same gap, I often wonder where our courage went. Was it missing because we simply didn’t wish to cause those we loved any more pain than what they were facing? Or was it a simple matter of me sharing the deepest wishes of my heart; that you and I would take our friendship, sparked with mutual intelligence and a desire to outshine one another scholastically and make it something more lasting?
Either way, I remember the day you bribed your sister to bring you to my house because my cat had died in my arms and I was inconsolable with grief. You helped me bury him in the backyard and even held me close as we said a few words over the grave. Maybe it sounds cheesy now, and perhaps then, but that you cared that I was hurting meant the world to me. I even remember you taking me to see a Woody Allen movie on our date afterwards and making that awful joke about the Orgasmatron actually being the instrument that hastened my cat’s early demise!
In short, I was a bit prudish, and very reserved about my true feelings for you. I felt that if you knew how much I truly loved you, I’d “scare you off” and having you around made me feel complete. Life was sweeter and even dealing with my kid brothers was bearable because of you. I felt worthy of adoration in just the way you held my hand.
Where ever Life finds you, whenever you feel “less than” just know that Once Upon A Time there was a little red-haired girl in Texas that you made feel more like a princess than a freckle-faced frog.